The brave guardians of the Tennessee skyline have finally taken a stand against the most insidious threat facing our nation today: things that aren't actually happening. In a move that can only be described as 'purely preventative performance art,' legislators have successfully passed a bill banning the intentional injection of chemicals into the atmosphere for geoengineering. It’s a bold, decisive victory for anyone who has ever looked at a condensation trail and thought, 'That cloud looks suspiciously like it wants to change my DNA.'

While critics—and scientists, and people with basic barometers—might point out that large-scale atmospheric geoengineering is currently about as real as a gluten-free loaf of bread that doesn't taste like a yoga mat, our elected officials know better. Why wait for a problem to exist before you ban it? That’s the kind of reactive thinking that keeps us from outlawing telepathic tax audits and the secret spice trade conducted by subterranean lizard-men.

This legislative breakthrough sets a shimmering precedent for the future of American governance. If we can ban the non-existent 'chemtrails,' why stop there? We are looking at a golden age of phantom-fighting. We could see upcoming bills targeting the illegal immigration of Sasquatch across state lines, or perhaps a strict mandate requiring all ghosts to wear high-visibility vests while haunting historic properties. The possibilities are as endless as the imaginary chemicals currently not falling from the sky.

“If we don't spend our tax dollars regulating the hallucinations of the internet's most caffeinated conspiracy theorists, then what is democracy even for?”

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As we move forward into this brave new world of prophylactic lawmaking, we must applaud the sheer stamina it takes to fight a war against the horizon. It takes a special kind of courage to look at a standard Boeing 747 exhaust pipe and see a globalist plot to turn the frogs into librarians. Tennessee has proven that in the battle between 'Physical Reality' and 'Legislative Vibes,' the vibes will win every single time. So breathe deep, citizens—those invisible, non-existent particles can’t hurt you anymore. The law says so.

Disclaimer: This article is a satirical interpretation of political events and is not intended to be factual. For the original source of inspiration regarding the legislation of invisible atmospheric phenomena, please refer to MSN.